Do what you gotta do...

I can't believe my summer is almost over here in Ottawa.... sometimes it feels like I just got here and other times it feels like I've been here forever.

Either way it doesn't really feel like there is only about 5 weeks left here.

And the closer I get to my departure and the return to "normal" life back home the more I have people here telling me to stay and enjoy Ottawa.

And I would... if not for having to fulfill one thing that's been bugging me for quite sometime. If you know me well, you know what it is. It's that dream I've been holding onto for just about a year now. It's that chance to try one simple thing over again. It's a chance to fix my perhaps only real regret that I have... or find out if it's really a regret at all.

Yeah, I know thats vague.

I came up here to Ottawa in search of answers to a question I hadn't asked. Or maybe thinking that Ottawa was the promised land. And in some ways it has been what I needed. A break from the drama that follows me around, especially at home. But at the same time the same things that existed as "problems" before I left are still there... and I know that leaving doesn't change anything, it just puts it off until a later date.

I'd like to come back to Ottawa on a more permanent basis, and perhaps I will. But right now, as Matt said to me earlier, "you gotta do what you gotta do". He knows I have stuff I have to work out, even if he doesn't actually know what that stuff is... and thats why he's been such a great friend.

I was thinking about the philosophy I gave myself a year ago... "If it's not worth taking the risk, it's probably not worth doing". And I'm still living by that... I've risked things this last year by not completely moving on... but at the same time, by completely moving on I might have risked what I (think) I really want.

I really hope it doesn't all blow up in my face. But deep down I'm still convinced I'm not crazy for holding onto this...