Argh! I spent like, an hour yesterday composing a really long entry and then silly me closed the window without saving. That's what I get for composing outside of the usual Blogger window that's smart enough to auto save for me as I ramble.
I realize that my last post kinda left everyone hanging (everyone being the like, 3 people I know actively read this blog) and I think it's time that I explain why exactly I need(ed) a contingency plan.
Wed night, right before I posted my last post, Dave and I broke up. After 2.5 years of being back together (and 6 years pretty much to the date since we started dating) we realized that we're not good at being in a relationship together, at least not in some of the more important ways.
It happened like this. I arrived home to find Dave sitting at my kitchen table waiting for me. The first words out of his mouth were "We have to talk". We've never had a "sit down, lets talk" experience in all of our years together so I was a bit nervous to say the least. He confronted me about something that had happened in Vegas (and chose not to stay there, apparently.) and I told him his going to Japan has had my brain all effed up. He said he couldn't stay here anymore and that we'd talk soon, took his things and left.
I spent the remainder of the night on the phone with anyone and everyone. As I've come to realize, when I have a problem - with my relationship, my work, whatever - I discuss with those close to me... but not those involved. So while I've discussed any problems Dave and I might have been having with my friends until I've felt comfortable with the issue, it never is fully resolved with Dave.
So we met on Monday to sit down and talk. It was nerve wracking! Our first "real" talk since getting back together. The last time we'd had one of these talks was on his birthday, after I got home from Australia and before he left for China. And after that I was left wondering why we'd broken up in the first place.
We laid it all out, well, mostly.
I told him that in his decision to go to Japan he never considered me. All my friends had said that it wasn't fair of him to just decide to go without consulting me, as we were a "unit". I had told them all they were wrong, that if I had the opportunity I would also take it, blah blah blah. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized they were right. And so we talked about this. He had thought that there wasn't much point in talking about it until it was final, to which I replied "which would have been way too late!" I never would have told him not to go, but I would have liked a bit of consideration on his part in regards to my feelings.
We also talked about our inability to communicate with each other when it comes to issues. We're both "path of least resistance" type people and won't confront someone when something bothers us. This is fine if you're a country like, say, Switzerland, but in a relationship that eventually leads to other problems.
We discussed how we've fallen into a rut. We live together, see each other every day etc but we've turned into roommates instead of partners. More and more we've become comfortable doing things separately - hanging out with friends, doing groceries, etc. Sure we hang out at home but that intimacy of a relationship has been lost.
We had a good talk. But it came back down to one thing - we have a lot of problems that we would have to solve before his going to Japan. And, with his going away, IS there a point in trying to fix them now? Both of us agreed that no, there isn't really. I still love him, I do. I think he is one of the nicest people I know and we get along marvelously. We're just too similar in our inability to discuss problems and deal with them.
So we called it quits. We've been taking a break from seeing each other, only communicating when absolutely necessary. It seems to be for the best, since seeing each other often we would likely fall back into the same patterns and repeat the same mistakes.
No comments:
Post a Comment