Sadness

A few years ago I went to Australia and before I left I started making "friends" on MySpace (haha remember MySpace?). One of the people I became friends with was a guy named Steve. We kept in contact and when I arrived we met face to face after about 2 weeks of being in Australia. We hit it off really well and became great friends.

Through him we met Dan, who let us stay at his house for a week. Both guys showed us enormous amounts of hospitality.

Steve came to hang out with me in Sydney when I was there, and came down to Melbourne for my birthday after we moved there. He also came down to Melbourne and took Trishelle and I along Great Ocean Road. I later went to visit Steve in Wagga and he showed me around Junee. All in all, just a great friend over all. When I had to leave Australia it was so hard to say goodbye to such a great person.

I've been bugging Steve to come visit me in Canada since I got back here. He almost made it once, a couple years ago when he booked himself a ticket to come to the USA. However, his plans fell through and he wasn't going to make it.

Then, about a year ago things changed. Steve went into the hospital feeling dizzy and headachey and found out that he had a tumor growing on his brain. He under went chemo and radiation and all the things that go along with having a malignant tumor. Thankfully his friends and family have been kind enough to keep me in the loop as to what has been going on with him, even if the news hasn't always been good.

Lately the news was even worse - his tumor has returned and is now inoperable. The doctors aren't looking very hopeful and friends and family are spending all their time with him, sending good vibes and positive energy. I've been thinking about him a lot too lately.

The thing that makes me the most sad is knowing that Steve'll probably never make it here to Canada to visit me and see all the things I told him about, go all of the places I wanted to take him and generally let me repay the favour he did me by letting me stay with him when I was in Australia. And more so, when I get myself back there, he may not be there to hang out with and share a beer with and talk about "the old days".

I've known so many people battle with cancer, the crap that goes along with it. The heartache, the not knowing, the wanting all the problems to be over. There reaches a point where you stop wanting the person to get better and instead just want their suffering to end. You no longer want to remember a person as being sick, and instead want your lasting memories to be of them when they were happy and well. Either way, you just want the whole ordeal to tip one way or the other - get better or end.

I'm sending all the good vibes and thoughts to Steve's family, hoping that something, anything, happens to end their pain.

Help us find a cure for breast cancer at the BBB5!

Hey everyone!

 

As you may know, last year I shaved my head in support of finding a cure for breast cancer. I'm not shaving my head this year, but we are having another benefit party! We'll have bands, and other people will be shaving their heads in support.

 

I'd love it if you could make it to the party but if you can't you're still able to help us find a cure. This year's goal is $9500 (we hit $8400 last year!)

You can help support me by making a secure online donation using your credit card. Click on the link below:

http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?SID=2649243

For more details, check out our Facebook group : BBB5! Bald! Breasts! Bands!

 

If you want to come to the party:

 

July 17th, 8pm - whenever

7907 Wellington Rd. 45, Mapleton ON (punch that into your gps to get there!)

Thanks for your support, I sincerely appreciate it!

 

Alanna Foell

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Surprise!

Yesterday was a pretty sweet day. Midway through the day I was talking to "the new boy" (whom I'll refer to as A) and asked if he was on his way to his friend's cottage. He said "Nope - I'm heading towards London tonight!" Which immediately made me break into a big smile (and I probably looked pretty stupid, staring at my phone doing so).

It was a dual purpose visit, partly to see me and partly to take pictures at the bar competition at Jack Astor's but I still fully appreciated that he kept it a secret from me.

I joined him at the bar comp along with my roommate (things are working out fantastically there!) and then we went to join my old boss for karaoke at a different pub near by. I told A to let me know what his plans were and I'd let hime know whether I'd join him downtown.

Next thing you know he shows up where I was and stuck around til the end of the evening - skipped hanging out with his friends to spend time with me and a bunch of girls he didn't know.

Such a sweetheart.

Catch 22

I've realized something interesting recently... I'm kinda damned if I do, damned if I don't... hear me out:

I can meet someone and keep certain aspects of my past a secret and they will trust me and have no reason to worry, and I'm left wondering if I can trust myself this time around...

Or, I can have a fully open relationship where the other person knows EVERYTHING about my past... and thus doesn't think they can trust me and thus doesn't want to be in a serious relationship.

In the past I've kept things I've done kinda hush-hush since most guys don't need to know those details and I'm sparing them. However, I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.

Now I've met someone who knows just about everything there is to know about me (and I'm sure if he doesn't he will at some point) and it's kinda refreshing. There are no secrets, and because of this I'm not tempted to repeat past mistakes (probably because I know he knows what I'm capable of and I would be fully held accountable for my actions). However, because he knows my past he doesn't think he'd be able to trust me in an "actual" relationship.

So there really is no winning. Not to say I'm trying to get myself into another serious relationship after the end of my last one. Just a little realization of the fact that I really can't have both things - trust and honesty.

Next Moves...

I've been trying to figure out what my next move is going to be. That's not to say I'm up and outta here any more, just that I feel a lacking in my life and know I want to go out and explore and try something new.

I tossed around the idea of working on a cruise ship for a little while, but now I'm not so sure. I would be taking an almost 50% pay cut - and I don't make that much now!! I have my car to continue paying for as well as my student loan etc. Ultimately I don't want to do something that's going to put me into debt.

What else does that give me? I could work in an STA travel (kinda the same as Travel CUTS but in the UK/Oz/NZ etc) and do a similar job as here. Doing that in the UK would be great as I could travel around a lot in Europe and make some connections there, and it's not terribly far from home that if I wanted to come back for a few weeks to visit I could.

I could also go work for a company like Contiki and see where that takes me.

The hard part is, I have things here that I don't want to just walk away from. I don't want to leave just for the sake of leaving. At this point I'm leaving myself open to opportunity.. if it comes knocking I'll open the door.

I know I don't want to stay in London, but I don't know where I want to go otherwise. I could move back to the Waterloo area, or maybe Ottawa...both have their merits. I have friends and family in both locations but I always end up wishing I was in the other place.

Could move closer to Toronto, be somewhat in the middle of it all... but I don't really WANT to live in Toronto, nor can I afford to.

I need someone to come up to me, offer me an amazing job and make my decisions up for me.