I've realized something interesting recently... I'm kinda damned if I do, damned if I don't... hear me out:
I can meet someone and keep certain aspects of my past a secret and they will trust me and have no reason to worry, and I'm left wondering if I can trust myself this time around...
Or, I can have a fully open relationship where the other person knows EVERYTHING about my past... and thus doesn't think they can trust me and thus doesn't want to be in a serious relationship.
In the past I've kept things I've done kinda hush-hush since most guys don't need to know those details and I'm sparing them. However, I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over.
Now I've met someone who knows just about everything there is to know about me (and I'm sure if he doesn't he will at some point) and it's kinda refreshing. There are no secrets, and because of this I'm not tempted to repeat past mistakes (probably because I know he knows what I'm capable of and I would be fully held accountable for my actions). However, because he knows my past he doesn't think he'd be able to trust me in an "actual" relationship.
So there really is no winning. Not to say I'm trying to get myself into another serious relationship after the end of my last one. Just a little realization of the fact that I really can't have both things - trust and honesty.
1 comment:
You know cuz I've been thinking about this - and I think that honesty is always the best policy. Included in that - I think you can develop trust with a person even if their past might make you think otherwise. I think it takes a lot of work and a lot of communication but at the end of the day, if both people are able to find ways to develop that trust and be open to what the other individual needs that it can be built. If I was dating someone and found out later that they hadn't told me something - it would be harder to rebuild that trust at a later date then to be honest from the beginning and work to create that trust slowly but surely.
I believe you can do it if you both want to try :-) But hey that's just my two thoughts.
C
ps. I know some people who are in this situation - a friend who was the other girl and is now the girlfriend, and the guy - really wanting to make this work - is doing what he can to help her develop trust in him. :-) So it's possible
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