I've met/hung out with a bunch of guys lately, some I'm slightly interested in, some I think are interested in me, but they all have a common theme...
None of them have what I had
Theres really only been one person that I have felt instantaneous comfort with. Someone that from the very first day we hung out we were able to talk about anything at all, with no hesitation. Our first "date" was spent talking about everything and anything for hours and hours.
All these people I've started hanging out with, theres an attraction, but it's physical. It's not emotional or intellectual... and thus I know they aren't meant for a long term situation.
I miss that person I was comfortable with. I miss him more than I've ever missed someone. I don't know whats harder sometimes. The fact that it's my fault that I should have realized what I had, or the fact that I know I might never get that back...well, at least not with him.
And so I wait. I told myself that I wasn't going to hold out for something that might not happen... and I'm not trying to, but I haven't met anyone that makes me feel like it's worth giving up that potential second chance.
I'm probably off my gourd thinking there might be a second chance. Thats the worst part. Hm.
I'm sure he knows how I feel... and if he didn't, and he reads this, he will. But whether he would even tell me, I have no idea.
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