Oh, Alanna...

I'm not sure what governs me to do the things I do, get myself into the situations I do. And why they all have to do with boys.

My problem is that I get hung up on the ones that don't like me, and am not interested in the ones that do. I go after the unobtainable ones, and am not interested in the genuinely nice ones.

This is why I liked having a boyfriend... so much less drama. Well, at times. Speaking of which, I'm pretty certain the last one to decide he didn't want to date me anymore is dating another girl I know... and I'm half tempted to give her fair warning, but I know it's none of my buisness.

I'm leaving for Ottawa in 2 weeks, and of course I find someone that I'm interested in, and sometimes I get the impression that he's interested in me, but I never can be too sure because he's as independent as I am... Though things have been a bit confusing there too.

I'm anticipating and dreading Sept in ways I don't even know how to put into words. It's a time that I have been waiting for for ages now... almost 8 months. I've put portions of my life on hold for something that could easily never amount to anything ever again. I'm going to have to come to terms with a lot come Sept...

I'm such a headcase at times. And I bring it all on myself.